Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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