living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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