My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize