It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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