I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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