I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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