how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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