Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
