who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I want to fling myself into the sun
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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