I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
