Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
