When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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