Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
