are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
