Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
