booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
