i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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