so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
