dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
