My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
