I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
