We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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