Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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