he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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