Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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