Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
