Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
