I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
