i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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