No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
