i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
