If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
