Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
