hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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