you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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