I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
