So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
