How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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