I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
