the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
