At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
