I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
