I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize