I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
