I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
