She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Holy sore nipples Batman
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
