It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
