they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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