Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
