oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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