We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize