I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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