it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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