return my video game
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
