you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
