We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
