would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
