maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
