omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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