How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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