I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
