can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize