hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
