Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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