Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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