i will never coherently bang her
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
