R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
