you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
