The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
