are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
