Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
