You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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