Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
