piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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