dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
