I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
