She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
