I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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