I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
