Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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