i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
